As many know by now, I am inspired by many things. But most of my inspiration comes from music. I find that lyrics in a song or the sound of chords conjure emotions and thoughts, which in turn become my muse. This week is no exception. This painting was inspired by "Blackbird" originally by the Beatles, yet I was inspired by Carly Simon's rendition. Below is a link to her version.
"Take this broken wings and learn to fly, all your life, you were only waiting for this momentto be free"
In this simple lyric I see myself. Over many years of struggling through life as a broken person, I was unable to be whole within myself, kept waiting to be free. The freedom I sought was so out of my reach because I was unable to let go of my own wounds. I clutched for dear life to those things that kept me sick, and damaged, such as addiction and failed relationships.
Over the last 3 years, or what I have been calling my new journey of life, I have come to learn one important thing-to heal I had to learn to let go, or at some point just stay still until I was well. At times as the lyric says "into the dark, black night" I had to fly blindly into the unknown trusting that as long as I let go everything would be okay. This to me is faith at its basic level. Not from "religion" ideals, but pure human faith, this is what this piece means for me. That to me is true freedom. Flying through the night, blind, but safe and healed.
Actual size of this work is 9 inches (h) by 50 inches (l) Click on the image for larger view
This week's work was painted live while people watched during the "Third in the Burg" Art and local business walk at the Historic Harrisburg Association. Thank you to all who came out and thank you to all those who heard about "52 in 52" tonight.
Lately, life has become hectic and I feel as if I am constantly on the go, or heading somewhere to do something. Whether it be with my job, my art, or personal life I am constantly moving. Summer is about movement and "going on vacation" or "I'm going to do this". During this time of year I get stir crazy. For me the autumn weather make me think of respite, a quiet calm. As soon as the first snow falls and silences the world in the physical, I find rest. This week's work is a representation of my life and how the movement is waiting for the silence to come. Maybe I am preparing to hibernate for the winter. So with my work I wanted to show not just a touch of the forthcoming season, but show a whisper of winter and rest.
Growing up on army bases, for me, there are a few things that I will always remember. In the morning hours I would hear the soldiers running by our window during PT, early morning trumpet calls, and I would hear taps being played while the flag was being retired at 5:00 PM everyday. The sound of the mournful trumpet being played while the sun dipped below the skyline was something that always moved, and at the same time, haunted me.
As I sit here painting, the day before September 11th, a day that changed this country forever, I sit and think about all those who we lost on that fateful day; and the countless men and women we have lost fighting across the ocean. I must always remember those who have come before me, those men and women whom make it possible for me to create freely.
Dusk lies between the dark and light, between the day and night. It lies where reality ends and dreams begin, when the sun sets on one life into the next. It is in these moments where peace comes, and for that brief moment, the world and all the destruction and wars, are silent.
I must state that I am a supporter of the men and women that serve this country, in protecting us from attacks such as that of September 11th, but I am not a supporter of the war. So this September 11th, while I cannot play the taps to all those whom have fallen, I paint dusk in remembrance of them.
One of life's simplest gestures. It's complex and can mean many things. Whether it be between man and woman, man and man, woman and woman, a kiss is never just black and white. A kiss, depending on its intent, can be harsh and sharp, or can be soft and smooth. The one thing I have found is a kiss never leaves all the answers filled in, it expects the two doing the kissing to do that. Between spouses, loved ones, new friends or a perfect stranger, a simplistic action survives on its complexity. Is a kiss just a kiss...?
In life we have a need to feel like we are part of something. A need to be connected to something greater than ourselves, but at what cost? Is giving up your individuality to be part of a group worth the comfort of being accepted? There is a sense of security in a group for those on the inside. This work for me is a question to my readers. Within your groups and circles you gather in, do you ever stand up or show your individuality in your group, and invite someone from the outside?
In life I have felt that I was always trying to fit into whatever group that would take me for those few brief moments. I would change the way I act, dress, and how I treated others. As I become more aware of what I want in my life, I find that I become part of a larger group then I ever thought would be possible. The truth for me is that the more I know about who I am, what I want and express my individuality the more I become part of a true group of loving caring friends. And with that I find an an amazing freedom and security. After years of trying to be part of the gathering and failing, I become part of the group because I know who I am alone.
In my life I have had several moments where I come the proverbial precipice. It's either I hang on and struggle for dear life or take a deep breath and jump.
My fear of the unknown kept me frozen for many years and I fought with all my might to stay on solid ground. It was my fear of loosing control of my out of control life that kept me clawing for the safety. Taking that first step is all based on faith. For me faith is not just a religious idea, but a universal one. I have to have faith in myself that I can make it through whatever life hands me. I have to remind myself that life is not being lived if you don't take a risk. Yet the biggest lesson from taking that first step is that I cannot grow unless I walk to the edge and take it.
Human's are creatures of habit. We as a society don't have a problem with external change, but do have issues changing ourselves. Like myself, to change the internal psyche, I have to rip the "band aide off" to let it breathe. But when I take that jump into something that is a drastic change, I find myself not jumping with both feet together. My normal tendency is to take one step out while leaving one foot planted on the ground "just in case", yet is that truly turning myself completely over to faith. Do I leap fully into change or take a protected step.
A Winner has been chosen for the Create the Story Behind This Work for Week 32: "Comfort Level". The winner will have his work posted here with the art and will be published in the book and has won the painting for free.
Contest Winner: Craig Bomberger
"Untitled"
The intensity of the sparkle in your eyes
Feeling the passion come out in your voice
I mistook these cues from you, as interest in me
Laughing more, I began to let myself go
Finding your attention comforting and warm
Soothing like hand cream in the numbing cold of winter
Before parting ways, you asked for my number
Giving it to you; exchanging our numbers and glances
Once you had it, my feet left the floor and hovered
Running as free-flowing as a faucet left open
Gushing and squirming, I fell, free-falling for you
Closing my eyes and I can see you amidst the dark
Sleep would not prove to be a challenge that eve
After your eyes lock shut and your body stills
When the house lights dim and the curtain opens
Subconscious dreams I have take over center stage
The players are you and I, acting out our future
Such grandeur and awe could not be set to script
Piercing like opening the refrigerator in a dark Kitchen
Rays of the sun’s light tear and break my eyelids
Shock and disbelief force me to start rubbing my eyes
Fuzzy shapes crisp into my bedroom surroundings
Left alone, abandoned, from my beautiful fantasy
My dreams have vaporized, only memories will remain
Slowly, I force myself to lumber through my routines
Inside my head, I still think on what I’d dreamt of
Impossible to wash away; a grease stain on cashmere
Hiding it only makes everyone aware of its existence
Picking up my phone, I place a call to your number
No response, I leave a message; knowing I must wait
Waiting for your response was painful and pleasure
Wondering if this new pain would be worth the joy
Comparable to virginal sex all over again, that’s how it felt
Praying it would soon be over and then start once more
Too much to take; I call you a second time and then text
What’s my fate? Waiting and then more waiting
Just as my mind tells my heart to give up the fantasies
Text message bing; you send me, “Who are you?”
Tears well in my eyes and my brain starts to ponder
Would hearing nothing from you be more painful?
Damages are done instantaneous, like a Richter 6 quake
Crumbled, broken, and damaged; I’m stunned
Building me up and collapsing me in less than a day
Realizing you connived me like the Trojan Horse
Thankful to the standards I’d set long in the past
No chance your horse wrapped in a Trojan could trick me
Hurting as I am, I stop to embrace that thought
Loathing you for how your three words sliced me
Scorn, it must have been my scornful discontent
Expectant of another three word combination
Slightly more sweet, gentle, and enduring language
Much more like the words you’d spoke to me in dream
Therein lies my problem you see, I’d dreamt you
Figures of the imagination never inhabit the Earth
Try as I may to curse and blame you, I fault myself
Telephone numbers exchanged like fortune cookies
Shreds of hope in the bottom of your carry-out meal
Difficult as this reality is the face, it could be worse
You could have leaked in me, like the Soy Sauce
Ruining and staining my new seats as I drive home
Disgraceful a situation as it is, I stop to relish
