Week 43: "Night Light"

Week 43: "Night Light"
As I stepped out of my new front door into the buzz of the city, I reflect on where I have been, where I came from and where I am going.  When I was kid, like many, I was scared of the dark.  I always had to have the door open or have the light showing the way.  As I come to the end of the first week of living on my own I realize that like the lights of the city, I have had many night lights to guide my path to where I am now.  

Every choice I have made and every person that has come into my path of life has been some type of stepping stone down the narrow streets of this crazy maze.  Some have cleared the way for me to make easy strides down the sidewalk, and some have created obstacles.  Of course the biggest one of all has been myself.  In my life I have been the one reoccurring path blocker.  Since I came to that realization and started to move out of my own journey the street has opened up.  There are many times where I begin to back track my steps into the dark alleyways, but all it takes is to stop and turn myself around toward the lights.  

Now I have come to this point in my life.  I have now started the journey of living on my own.  I've stepped out of my own way and let the lessons I have learned now be the lights along side of me instead of the potholes in front of me.  Lights illuminate the path of my life as clear as day, but only if I let them.   

Week 42: "New Chapter"

I Dedicate this weeks work and blog to my best friend and roommate of almost 8 years. Love you my "Gracie"

Week 42: "New Chapter"
To me a box can say many things.  You can feel boxed in or a over whelming sense of entrapment. To me it can be a symbol of secrets being hidden from the world, but lately it has given me a totally different meaning.  

As many readers know I am moving this weekend.  So I am really drawing inspiration from my environment.  Yet while being surrounded by boxes of all shapes and sizes I am not feeling "boxed in", but a sense of excitement, fear and accomplishment.  

In the grips of addiction one can be trapped with in a containment of their own making.  Or even literally be taken so low to the point of making a box a home.  I was a lucky one who did not make it that far.  I knew about being inside the box; the secrets taped shut inside so that light could see them.  But when I became sober the box was opened so that the air could rush in and dust out the old secrets long forgotten.  This created excitement for me of life and of the journey I would begin.  Now there is excitement once again, for I now once again being on a new journey into the unknown.  While I pack the cardboard squares of memories of the past, I see the next journey I embark on.  

The boxes packed around me are a symbol of my success and of my personal growth.  For the first time in my 30 years of life, I will be living on my own.  With that there is a fear of the unknown.  It will be my responsibility to love myself for me and take care of myself.  

Just like the pages in a book, I have to read word by word on a path to end one sentence.  I finish the sentence and move onto a journey through the paragraph, until it comes to the last page.  I look at the boxes and read the words, sentences and paragraphs of a new chapter. 

Week 41: "Incense"

Week 41: "Incense" 

The touch of hands across the skin can send shivers.  A touch of lips on a neck can leave one breathless.  The watchful gaze of someone's eyes upon you can hypnotize, but  scent has the power to transform.  

Scents can intoxicate and infect all the senses. If you can not smell, you can not taste the true flavor.  When we inhale a scent we hold it in and become breathless. Aromas can change a mood or intensify a current one.

This week I wanted to paint the smell and sensuality of a scent.  I wanted to showcase the lustful intoxication of fall.  The smell of turning leaves mixed with fleshy apples; when the fruits are full and plump about to burst.  When my nose is full of these ingredients mixed with the perfume of the chilled air I find myself changing between serenity and sexual, from contemplative to stupefied.  Incense fills my nose, my mind begins to transform and transport me to the intense recesses of my soul. The nose knows.

Week 40: "A Friend in a Stranger"

Week 40:"A Friend in a Stranger"

Tonight I had coffee with an person whom I have only spoken to a small handful of times.  Until this evening she was a basic stranger to me.  I did not know her story, her struggles, how she grew up or where she felt her life was going, yet there was always a magnetism to her that pulled me in.  

Without hesitation, and without fear I was able to tell her my story, where I came from, and the hopes of where I am going.  She as well opened up the book that is her life and read the pages to me.  We found that our stories were different, yet many key markers were the same.  While we sat there at her kitchen table, light pouring in from the large bay window, I began to ponder why is it so easy for us to spill some of the darkest secrets of our pasts to people who are total strangers.  

For me a total stranger is usually able to listen without pretenses.  Their ears are open without any memories of things said or done by me.  I have also found that it seems to be human nature to want to know other people's problems and stories.  When talking to a stranger I also find it to be a bit of an adrenaline rush, for there is always that slight thought of, "What if they tell everyone what I have said?"  I have also found that there is a dark and light side when I open myself up to someone.  It is good to free my soul and let the light shine in, but hope that I haven't opened myself up to the darkness.  Tonight I opened myself up to a stranger and found a friend.

 

Week 39: "Even Drag Queens"

Week 39: "Even Drag Queens"

In the news lately there have been stories of kids that have been so severely bullied because of their sexual orientation that they have committed suicide.  To hear these stories not only breaks my heart, but sickens me. 

The belief that homosexuals are an "abomination to God" is one the many mantras used as fuel for this bullying which is often taught by religious leaders.  These leaders of religious institutions preach about love and that "He made us in His image" except if you are are gay.  I find these people in our society extremely hypocritical and no better than any hate group.   I do not direct this towards the religious institutions, but at the leaders that use these venues to spread their message of hate and ugliness and not the beauty and love which are part of the teachings.  I am not anti-spiritual but anti-hate.  

We as a society must look at what is being taught to children at a young age.  We have to stop the hate instead of instilling it.  I think that if someone is truly a spiritual or religious person, even if they don't "agree" with homosexuality, they love someone as a fellow human.   I implore my readers to take a moment and spread love to someone that may need it and help support bully prevention in schools.   


If we are all truly made in his image, no exceptions.

Week 38: "Night Flight"

Week 38: "Night Flight"

"Night Flight" Actual size: 19" (l) by 13" (h)

As many know by now, I am inspired by many things. But most of my inspiration comes from music.  I find that lyrics in a song or the sound of chords conjure emotions and thoughts, which in turn become my muse.  This week is no exception.  This painting was inspired by "Blackbird" originally by the Beatles, yet I was inspired by  Carly Simon's rendition.  Below is a link to her version.

"Take this broken wings and learn to fly, all your life, you were only waiting for this moment to be free"

In this simple lyric I see myself.  Over many years of struggling through life as a broken person, I was unable to be whole within myself, kept waiting to be free.  The freedom I sought was so out of my reach because I was unable to let go of my own wounds.  I clutched for dear life to those things that kept me sick, and damaged, such as addiction and failed relationships.

Over the last 3 years, or what I have been calling my new journey of life, I have come to learn one important thing-to heal I had to learn to let go, or at some point just stay still until I was well.  At times as the lyric says "into the dark, black night" I had to fly blindly into the unknown trusting that as long as I let go everything would be okay.  This to me is faith at its basic level.  Not from "religion" ideals, but pure human faith, this is what this piece means for me.  That to me is true freedom. Flying through the night, blind, but safe and healed.

Week 37: "Whisper of Winter"

Week 37: "Whisper of Winter"

Actual size of this work is 9 inches (h) by 50 inches (l)   Click on the image for larger view

This week's work was painted live while people watched during the "Third in the Burg" Art and local business walk at the Historic Harrisburg Association.  Thank you to all who came out and thank you to all those who heard about "52 in 52" tonight.  

Lately, life has become hectic and I feel as if I am constantly on the go, or heading somewhere to do something.  Whether it be with my job, my art, or personal life I am constantly moving.  Summer is about movement and "going on vacation" or "I'm going to do this".  During this time of year I get stir crazy. For me the autumn weather make me think of respite, a quiet calm.  As soon as the first snow falls and silences the world in the physical, I find rest.  This week's work is a representation of my life and how the movement is waiting for the silence to come.   Maybe I am preparing to hibernate for the winter.  So with my work I wanted to show not just a touch of the forthcoming season, but show a whisper of winter and rest.