Week 25: "Adaptation of Harmonics"

Week 25: "Adaptation of Harmonics"

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It is my belief that music is the boat that takes us on the river of our souls.  Many works of mine are inspired by music, and how the melodies and lyrics make me feel. This week I was inspired to paint the sensation that a certain piece conjured. 

I see sensations as being different than emotions. Emotions are rooted in one core feeling such as anger, sadness or love, but a sensations to me is the layering of many emotions all at the same time.  In music the pairing and clustering of notes played simultaneously is call a chord, and the way the notes interact with each other is the harmonics.  It's my theory that feelings are the notes and chords while sensations are the resonating harmonics to our soul.  

This week's work was inspired by one of the very few compositions that have moved me past these mer solitary emotions.  "Adagio for Strings" (Angus Dei) by Samuel Barber with it's simplistic chord progressions is one of those works.  As I listen to it I find myself filled with thoughts of love, passion, hurt, sorrow, ecstasy, elation, longing, acceptance, rejection and many others all at the same time.  The piece transcends my simple feelings into reverberations of layers upon layers of humanity.  

I believe music can inspire the soul or make you closer to a higher being.  Like notes upon notes, chords upon chords, through music I have found that my soul can experience the true adaptations of harmony.

(Listen to "Adagio for Strings (Angus Dei)" by Samuel Barber below)

Week 24: "Fireflies"

Week 24: "Fireflies"

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During one of the warm summer evenings this week, I saw a sight that made my heart skip and my brain begin to wonder.  As I stood there watching a million dancing lights flash along the rolling lawns of the court yard, excitement that I had as a child began to swell inside and my adult mind began to fill with questions.

 As a child, my summer evenings were filled with attempts to catch proverbial lightning in a bottle.  Across the back yards of my friends and I's homes my heart waited in anticipation to see the yellowish green orbs appear.  Then I would dash across the dark grass in hopes of catching one and placing it in my keepsake jar, which was usually an empty jam jar with holes punched into the the top by a bottle opener key.  Those nights were spent in the euphoria of the Earth's mystic beauty.  Yet now as an adult, up until recently, I would look out into fields and think to myself that there are to many bugs out there.  When did that child with wide eyed amazement turn into the adult that couldn't stop to take part in the small things that the world gives us.

I have found as I grew older, I had become immune to the small beauties that are always in front of me,  all in hope to see the greater, larger beauty.  Yet something happened the other night.  Is it the because while working on this blog I am delving deeper into the parts of myself that I have lost.  Or is it a realization that it's not the large things that are important, but the collection of all the small beauties that make the grander picture.  So while standing there watching the night become speckled with flashing beauty, my heart, like the child I remember from all those years ago, once again began to dance with the Fireflies.

Week 23: "When I Look In the Mirror (A Portrait)"

Week 23: "When I Look In the Mirror (A Portrait)" 

 

 

A portrait's purpose is to capture the subject's inner essence in visible form. ~ Unknown

This week I decided to take a risk. This piece is something that not many have seen me do, a self-portrait.  Even though I have been creating art for many years, I have only ever painted one other self-portrait.  The first was ink on paper, which resides in my parent's home. The reason behind the lack of self-portraits is the introspective nature of this type of work.  When I begin to really look at each minute detail of myself, uncomfortable feelings and extreme insecurities comes into play. 

Just like a photographer or director, artists are observers of the world, but when the camera is turned they become unnerved, as do I.  While studying myself, I had to look deep at each unwanted twist, turn, and curve.  The only problem for me is that I am my own worst critic when it comes to how I look to the world. As many in this world, I see the flaws before I see the beauty.  I am drawn to my most hated flaws and end up emphasizing them more that the parts that are "aesthetically pleasing".  Do I do this with all my subjects? Why do I scrutinize my flaws rather than praise the beauty? If I were to concentrate on the beauty of myself when I look in the mirror, what kind of portrait would I paint then? 

Week 22: "To the Core"

Week 22:
"To the Core"

They call the apple the fruit of knowledge.  It has been used in biblical scripture, and also one of them "keeps the doctor away".  In my journey of this blog to know myself internally, spiritually, and artistically, I have been left amazed, shocked and at times completely confused.  

Once again I find myself painting iconic religious subject matter.  The interesting thing is that I never intended it to be.  I'm not an artist that paints still lifes.  Lately I am surprised at what comes from my brush strokes.  I thought to myself  "I am seeing new unknown sides to myself".  That's when I realized that this was the reason behind this week's painting.

In my life I have struggled at times to figure out "Who Am I?"  Constantly searching the outer and inner influences to find the answer to the who, what, where and why of myself. Yet when I think I have myself pegged, all of a sudden these new subject matters pop up and I find something new.  So to find the answers to myself, I have to know one thing.  That I am a living, breathing being that is ever changing, ever evolving to the core.

Week 21: "Self Baptism"

Week 21:
"Self  Baptism" 


For some reason this week I had a thought running through my head of "going back to basics".  When I think of going back to basics I ask myself what are the necessary needs. I create a simple list  such as  breathing, taking one thing at a time, and stripping things down to the most rudimentary design in life.  Yet there is one basic need that I always struggle to learn-forgiving myself.


Over the course of my life I have made many indiscretions which have hurt others, but more so have hurt myself.  I find as my life fills to the brim with everyday chores and choices, the decisions which I made in my past come to haunt me, repeating the same character defects like a broken record.  Each time this happens, I begin to chastise myself for my flawed persona, instead of going back to basics of love and forgiveness.  


I was raised Catholic, and was always taught that when I was baptized, or went to confession, the sins that I had committed would be washed away.  This lesson was instilled in me from a very young age.  If I was sorry for what I did, make amends, learn from them, and forgive yourself.  My questions is-out of all the lessons I was taught as a child such as don't play with fire, the stove is hot, and look both ways before crossing-why does this lesson constantly slip my mind? 


I work at forgiving myself everyday for my daily wrongs, and forgive myself for the past.  Like a sinner wading in the water, I must constantly learn how to forgive myself.  Everyday I must dip my head into the water and give myself a self baptism.

Week 20: "The Dancer"

Week 20: 

"The Dancer"

To feel uninhibited, to not be chained to predestined ideals and total freedom of self expression was my inspiration this week.  Through my life I let other peoples views, thoughts and feelings control my self expression.  Like so many others, I even let my own insecurities also weigh down my sense of personal fulfillment.

When I watch a dancer create physical art, I am always moved.  I see each emotion poured out through every extension of the body.  Even though most artistic dances are choreographed, they still portray, in my mind, the full range of human emotion from the slightest flick of a hand to the highest kick. 

Dance can express so much, such as passion, love, hatred, sorrow, or joy.  It mesmerizes and has the  ability to let go of the world's constraints and fill the emptiness with beauty and creation.  Yet, as soon as the chains of insecurities, secrets, or outside forces lock onto our feet the momentum of this freedom is stuck.  Until we let go and express our true emotions, we will be like children dancing at our first homecoming dance; we may be moving our feet, but we just go around in circles, repeating the same motions over and over.

As long as we let the movement of our true emotions and expression flow through us, we shall not only have total freedom of our bodies, but also be able to fill the world with our own personal beauty and be able to be the dancer, free.

Week 19: "Lilith"

Week 19: "Lilith"


Brief Story of "Lilith" (from Wikipedia): 


In Jewish folkore Lilith is the name of Adam's first wife, who was created at the same time and with the same earth as Adam. She left Adam after she refused to become subservient to Adam and then would not return to the Garden of Eden after she mated with the Archangel Samuel. 


As many of my followers know, I have never used religious subject matter in my works, yet for some reason this week I was drawn to the story of Lilith.  Part of this misunderstood tale is her inner strength.  In the end, Lilith's  conviction of not being controlled  gave her strength and knowledge of herself.


In my life I have had many outside forces which made me a slave.  From relationships and addictions, to my own insecurities.  The lack of knowledge of myself caused me to be suppressed.  When I began this journey over two years ago, little did I know that I would find that inner strength.  


Inner knowledge and strength in myself did not just come in the blink of the eye, or rush over me like the wind, but it was slow, and gradual.  I found it to be a slow process of small things.  Such as simply letting others know what I was feeling and not pretending just to make that person happy.  This was one of the most important lessons I learned.  


In the tale, Lilith refuses to return to the Garden after mating with the Archangel Samuel.   To me that statement is profound.  Even though the Garden is paradise, it would not be for Lilith.  The Garden would become a cage, with Adam being the owner.  When I realized that love and knowledge of one's self is the only way to have a full life that is your own, I began the hard task of learning who I was from the inside.  Over time I will learn more and more about myself so that one day without hesitations I will say "I will not be returning to the Garden with you Adam, I have myself an Archangel."